January 29, 2009

Today I haven´t done much...I went to class, had lunch, took a nap, and ran over to the market really fast with my house mom, Sylvia to buy some dancing shoes. They only cost me like 13$. geez. Now I´m writing this.

Last night we got a new girl in the house, her name is Yohanna and she is from Finland. Speaks perfect english but almost no spanish. Very nice. My other housemate, Marina, is leaving this weekend. I am going back to the Greenes again. I have lots of free time there so if you want to set up a skype appt. let me know.

Last night I went with this guy named Travis (from Mass) to a spanish speaking bible study. It was ok, it was good. But afterwards Travis had bags of sandwiches and juice and bananas and cookies, and we went and gave them to the homeless people on the streets of Antigua. I don´t know how I have been a Christian for so long and never done something like this before. We found a homeless shelter...well, more like a building that homeless people are allowed to stay in...and gave it all out there. I am still processing what happened. Travis sat right down with a man that he had given stuff to on the streets before, named Gustavo, whose face was deformed from some sort of burn. They struck up a conversation like old friends. He took his bible out and they began talking about God - Travis in broken spanish and Gustavo in his mumbling speech. I finished handing out all the food and kind of stood there awkwardly, admiring the way Travis was so comfortable and accepting. I really felt so exposed. Like, how can I say that I want to love people and can hardly look at a homeless man in the face? You know why I can´t look at him? Because I am ashamed of being better off and not doing anything to help him. I am ashamed because I feel somewhat repulsed by him, and I know that that is wrong, and that Jesus does not feel repulsed by him. I just need to ask for the Lord´s heart for people. I have been comfortable and satisfied and selfish in my own little warm world, and have become callous to suffering people around me.

Anyway, that´s how I feel. And its even worse because I thought this Travis was pretty cute and he was a Christian and oooh lucky me! But I felt so embarrassed for ever thinking that when we went out and saw that he was so...giving. My thoughts were all focused on me and how I wanted to feel, while he was solely thinking of those suffering and how he could show God´s love to them! Ugh!!! I think God used him to really shake me up and show me where I have been so self-focused. I am always learning.

Oh but actually, today walking to the school from the market I saw the same Gustavo that I met last night! He had his little hymnal out, and we greeted eachother, and I didn´t really understand what he was saying, but I tried to talk a moment with him. But I am being careful too, I mean I don´t know him, obviously, and so I kept the convo short and went on my way. But yeah...

Anyway that has been the most significant thing that has happened this trip so far... :) But i´m sure there will be more stories.